Why Do I Still Feel So…

Behind, can’t catch up, life is moving way too fast?!?! I have been home almost 2 months and I still feel like I’m just skating through life. It’s probably because I’m living life like I always do, constantly busy and to the fullest. I have never been one to rest well. I don’t really nap, I get by on minimal sleep and we all know by now FOMO gets me hard. Since being home FOMO has developed into, “well, but I missed so much this summer!” which is not too different from the FOMO of April and May which was, “but I’m leaving soon, I’ll miss so much while I’m gone, I better live it up now!”

School is 8 weeks into the semester. EIGHT WEEKS. Half way done, what? I just made an advising appointment to do my final course check for my last semester of college. I’m truly freaking out, how did we get here?! Remember in high school when all we wanted to do was graduate? Get us to that finish line, walk us across that stage and get us into the real world! How come this graduation approaching feels the opposite? Slow down, can’t I stay forever? Why do 5th year seniors get such a hard time, I want to do that! It’s not so much that I love school so much that I want to stay in, it’s the experience I’ll miss. I’ll miss the changes each semester, the new things we get to learn and the people we get to meet. I’ll miss the walk across campus, looking out for campus cats and squirrels. I’ll miss the belltower’s creative music. I’ll miss the parking tickets. Wait, nope, won’t miss that.

I rarely miss class, it’s just not my thing. I’ve always been an attender. Why skip, what else is going on in the few hours you have to be in class? Because soon we’ll be in jobs for 8 hours and there ain’t no skipping there! (I mean you can, but I’m looking to be gainfully employed, those student loans won’t pay themselves…) When I’m in a class where I can work in groups, write papers, present projects and engage with others, I thrive. Majoring in Business was the absolute right choice for me and I’ve enjoyed most of my classes these past 4 years. When I’m in a class where we read lots, take tons of notes and then spit that information back out into an exam, that’s where I struggle a bit. Understanding this and allowing less than perfection for myself has been a challenge, but it’s taught me a lot. Patience and persistence for sure, but also self-confidence when it’s not defined by A+’s.

I was so busy in high school that my parents always said, “just do the best you can in school and stay involved, a well rounded kid is just as important as a 4.0 student.” Well, luckily for them, I was still a good student. But I had that well rounded thing down. I was as involved as they come and I am still so proud of the things I did in high school. But I think their ‘stay involved’ mentality rubbed off on me and it’s impossible for me not to constantly be doing something. And therein lies the issue, why don’t I feel caught up? Because I am always busy. And since I don’t regret a single thing I’m doing, I guess I better get used to the feeling. I enjoy mentoring the student I’ve had in the TeamMates program since freshman year, so I can’t give that up. I still absolutely love working as a dance instructor and I’m so thankful to be able to still be in the studio at my age, so I can’t give that up. I’ll always be that person who jumps when someone needs a volunteer, so it was natural that I volunteered to stand at the Education Abroad booth for 2 days to answer students questions. I had to do this, studying abroad was such an amazing experience that if I do nothing else this semester, sharing the experience and hoping to urge someone into applying is a must. Top all this with 15 credit hours, working at the bar on game days and the social media management and I’m as busy as I’ve ever been and loving every moment.  Do I wish I had more time to blog? Sure. More time to sleep? Yes, definitely. More time with friends? Yes, but they’re busy with their lists just like mine, so it’s okay, we do what we can. Do I wish I had more time to just zone out on Netflix or to read a book? Most definitely, but I’ll have time for that someday. Sooner than I’d like, I think.

I answered my intro question, why do I still feel so… behind? So this seems like an appropriate time to wrap up and move on to the next unchecked box on my list and be thankful for the busy schedule because it means I’m learning, growing and gaining experiences and impacting others.

Off to the next!